And you thought a “clear bag” was an imposition…

Singer-songwriter Paul Simon prepares to be frisked. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

What Not to Bring to Paul Simon’s Farewell Show

The “What Not to Bring” list for Paul Simon‘s forthcoming farewell concert in Flushing Meadows Corona Park in Queens, New York, is remarkable in its thoroughness. Extra caution is necessary because of the large crowd expected for it, but also because the park — the site of the World’s Fair in both 1939-40 and 1964-65 — has not hosted a concert in decades.

And yet, some of the items on the list are perplexing, especially when one envisions the average Paul Simon concertgoer: Sure, expected items like weapons, alcoholic drinks, and glass containers are not allowed. But neither are drones, stuffed animals, stickers or Hula hoops. That camera with a detachable lens? Stays home. And that is on most lists of stuff you can’t bring in to a concert. Kites? No way. Squirt gun? Don’t even think about it. Riding your hoverboard to the show? Find a safe place to lock it up. Totems? I don’t even know what they are, but you can’t bring them inside. And in a ban sure to pierce the heart of any true Paul Simon fan, no selfie sticks are allowed!

Many large concerts have long lists of contraband, and I can’t support public safety at large events enough. But just try to keep a straight face when reading the list below:

WHAT NOT TO BRING

  • Aerosol containers (including sunscreen)
  • Air horns and/or megaphones
  • Alcoholic beverages of any kind
  • Animals (besides service animals)
  • Any container of liquid other than 1 factory sealed bottle of water (1 Liter max)
  • Any items that can be used as a means to disturb the peace, endanger the safety of others
  • Bicycles
  • Cameras with detachable lenses
  • Camping tents, canopies, or shade structures of any kind
  • Chairs of any kind
  • Coolers of any kind (besides those advanced for medical use)
  • Drones or any other remote flying device
  • Multi-use e-cigs
  • Fake IDs
  • Fireworks, sparklers, firecrackers, and/or incendiary or explosive devices of any kind
  • Flags and/or flagpoles
  • Focused light devices (including laser pointers)
  • Outside food & beverage (besides one factory-sealed water bottle)
  • Framed backpacks
  • Glass containers of any kind
  • Hammocks
  • Hula Hoops

I noticed one thing you can take into Paul’s show you can’t take in anywhere.  One, full, factory-sealed bottle of water. What a hellava guy.

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